Broken Hoovers,Evil Dust and Curious Shopping Bags
by Speedy Speck
Summary: Reno and Tifa spend a day spring cleaning, much to Reno's dismay, little does he know a surprise is waiting for him....One-Shot...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane'


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: This is my forty-forth fanfic...And it was written for 'The Sacred and Profane'... PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :)

The red head looked at his wife in bemusement, ''...You wanna do what today?''

''The spring cleaning!'' Tifa's optimistic smile lifted her already pretty face to a whole new level.

''But...but...'' Reno was trying desperately to think of a way to get out of his predicament, ''It's...it's August! Thus it's summer not spring! Ha!''

The brunette raised an eyebrow, unimpressed at his efforts, ''So...''

''But I don-''

''No excuses sweetie...this place is long overdue a good scrubbing!'' Ignoring the fact her husband was fidgeting nervously, Tifa reached into her pocket and handed him a piece of paper with various things scrawled onto its surface, ''Here's a list of things for you to get on with! Come find me if you have any problems...''

Within seconds the brunette was out of sight and in the bathroom, doing what Reno supposed and somewhat hoped was that room's spring cleaning, the thought of him scrubbing the toilet made the red head feel rather queasy.

He sighed to himself as he straightened the piece of paper and took a look at the list he had to complete. Much to his delight it was relativity short and each job didn't look all that difficult.

Number one on the list was to hoover the living room, kitchen and hallway, and luckily for Reno his wife had left the piece of cleaning equipment out ready for him with a note attached in big bold letters labelling it as 'The Hoover', otherwise he might have had to spend a good two hours looking for it. It wasn't that Tifa liked to hide the hover away in some secret cupboard, but more that the red head had never been entirely sure as to what one actually looked like.

Once Reno had plugged the piece of equipment into a nearby socket, he turned to observe it, ''Hm...why isn't it doing anything...I plugged it in...huh must be broken...TIFA!''

He didn't have to shout for long before the brunette came running, ''What? What is it?''

He pointed at the hoover, ''It's not working!''

''What do you mean...''

''Well look, I plugged it in, and it's not doing anything...piece of junk if you ask me!'' Reno shook his head in dismay at his wife buying such a worthless item.

Tifa raised both her eyebrows in suprise, ''You...you are kidding me right?''

''About what?''

''You don't know how to use a hoover...''

''Yeah...you plug it in...and then...it...cleans...stuff?''

The brunette let out a long sigh, ''Oh dear...listen I'll do this...how about you get on with one of your other jobs...''

''Ok whatever you say darling!'' Reno landed a sloppy kiss on his wife's cheek before exiting the room and entering the kitchen.

* * *

''Ok lets see...number two on the list is...washing the curtains...well that's easy!''

As he was about to exit the room to attempt the collection of all the window coverings in the house his eyes rested on a pile of familiar items on one of the kitchen chairs.

''Ah Tifa you are a diamond...'' His wife had once again done half the job for him, already taking down and grouping the curtains together, ready for him to wash. It wasn't that she didn't trust him not to break anything but...actually that was exactly what it was.

Once the red head had bundled the various piles of cloth into the washing machine he searched the cupboards for the detergent, and was soon met with a choice of two bottles, one filled with blue liquid, the other with green and both had 'washing liquid' printed onto their sides.

''Hmm...but...which do I use?'' The red head furrowed his brow and seemed to be in a staring contest with the two plastic containers until he suddenly pushed the green one back in the cupboard and poured a generous about of the blue liquid into the correct slot of the machine.

Luckily for him he had miraculously managed to chose the right one, if he'd gone for the the green the curtains would have been cleaned using washing UP liquid, and that might work fine with plates but there is a reason people don't use it on their clothes.

''Tick!'' Reno smiled as he cross off the job from his list, feeling like he'd actually accomplished something, even if it was just pressing a few buttons.

''Now for number three...dusting and polishing?...Ergh.'' Reno's face screwed up into a weird sort of expression one could only describe as disgust.

Tifa had finished hoovering the room and was now moving on to the kitchen when Reno crossed her path to enter the lounge, ''Yo darling, you manage to get it working then?''

''Yes Reno...'' Her expression was one of tired amusement.

''My little genius!''

As she pulled the hoover into the kitchen she mumbled under her breath, ''Wish I could say the same...''

* * *

Reno had been dusting around tentatively for a good ten minutes before actually cleaning anything properly.

_Ergh...I hate dust...all grey and...dusty...gross...plus what if it gets in my hair...my precious...precious hair...it'll turn all horrible and grey...and then I'll look like one of those freaking remnants...and...and then Cloud will come and run me through that that huge sword of his...jerk..._

Soon the red head was in a coughing fit as he had been to involved with his thoughts and had somehow managed to spray the polish into his face, rather than at the cabinet.

After a long process of clearing his lungs of the terrible tasting substance he began chuckling to himself, ''Well...at least I'll be shiny...''

While it did take him quite a while longer than it would have done for Tifa, eventually the young man completed the dusting and polishing to the highest standard he could manage, which truth be told wasn't anything to brag about.

The last thing on the list was to unpacked the items Tifa bought on another of her shopping sprees a few days before.

_Tsst...getting me to put away HER shopping...what does she think I am...her slave?_ all the same the red head proceeded to enter the bedroom carrying various bags of bits and bobs, most of which appeared to be clothes, _Hasn't she got enough clothes...a swear she has a new outfit every day...whereas I've had to survive in the same suit for like...five years...women..._

Though when he came to unpacking the bags he found that these clothes were definitely not for Tifa, they weren't even for him, unless of course his wife expected him to shrink dramatically in the next few months.

As he held up one of the little t-shirts his brow furrowed in both confusion and curiosity. He spent at least five minutes searching through all the other bags, as if checking Tifa hadn't just picked up the mini item by accident, but he was met with more and more similar pieces, and when he found a cute, brown soft teddy bear in the bottom of bag number three his eyes widened as realisation suddenly dawned on him.

He rushed from the bedroom so fast, that if anyone was watching all they would have seen was a red blur, and was soon in the kitchen looking at his wife in shock, while his mouth hung open as he clutched the wall panting.

''Tif...darling...you've bought baby clothes...and baby things...and unless you're planning on stealing someone elses baby, which I don't approve of by the way!...does this mean you're...you know...expecting?''

The brunette let out a small nervous smile, ''Well I have got a bit larger lately...I thought you might have guessed?''

''No! I just thought you were getting fat!''

She raised a slightly annoyed but not at all surprised eyebrow at her husband, ''Cheers...''

''Well you know, I mean...not that I minded...you're still gorgeous.. and...but...you're...you're really pregnant then! So...I'm...I'm gunna be a dad?'' The young man's voice was weak, and somewhat fragile in tone.

''Uh huh...'' Tifa let a blissful smirk play across her delicate features as she observed her husband for a reaction.

The pair stood in silence for a few minutes before a worried Tifa began to suspect the news might have effected his brain.

She walked over to him and shifted her reddy-brown gaze to meet his aquamarine orbs, ''You...you ok Reno?''

The red head looked at her for a few moments with a slightly horrified expression before lifting her up in his arms and carrying her to the bedroom, ''Am I ok! Are you ok? You're gunna go lay down! Can't have you doing the cleaning! You have to rest and all that...can't have the mother of my future child putting herself out now can we!''

* * *

Twenty two months later...

The red head was scrubbing in the kitchen, trying desperately to get the apple mush which Tifa called baby food off the once clean surface while his wife lay on the sofa snoring loudly. He didn't mind though, after all taking care of a mini female Reno was always going to be hard work and the brunette had spent the morning playing horsey with little Renee.

Just as Reno finished cleaning one blob off, the little girl threw another, giggling loudly at her father's expression. The red head sighed with amusement and moved onto the new mound of food.

Frankly this kind of cleaning didn't bother him at all...Renee was worth the mess...even if she did like to pull his hair.


End file.
